For most of my life, I have been the easy going one, the agreeable one, the pleasant one, the one who didn’t make waves, cause conflict or drama. I never tried to take up more space than I occupied (unless I was on stage) and I would often avoid conflict and confrontation because it made me super uncomfortable.
Are you a people pleaser? Here are some assessment questions to help you recognize some of the behaviors and patterns:
If you answered “yes” to many of the questions above, then you may be a people-pleaser as well. Yay! I’m not alone. Haha! Just kidding.
In all seriousness, while these attributes may all seem admirable, they’re actually not healthy when you’re not able to set clear and healthy boundaries or feel incapable of enforcing your boundaries because the idea of conflict and confrontation makes you so uncomfortable.
It’s so important to break the patterns of people pleasing because it can hurt you more than help you.
When you deny your truth out of a fear of rejection or because it makes you uncomfortable to see someone you love unhappy, you self-abandon and over time, you lose your sense of self.
When you constantly put other’s needs before your own, you start to erode your own sense of self-love and self worth because you are, in effect, proving to your mind that you aren’t worthy of having your own needs met, not even by you!
Your relationships then begin to reflect that lack of value back at you. If you don’t uphold your own value, no one else will and as a result, you may end up get stuck in a vicious, hurtful and painful loop where you accept a relationship, situation or circumstance that is less than you deserve.
As you can see, this dynamic of people pleasing is not sustainable. Eventually, you may end up depleting yourself and have nothing left to give. You may burn yourself out and then you won’t be able to care for yourself or your loved ones, even in a healthy way!
You may realize at some point that you are not responsible for other people’s happiness. That joy is something we each need to find within ourselves! That there is not a single person, thing or circumstance that can make anyone happy with any real type of longevity or sustainability.
You may also wake up one day and realize that you are no longer the person you thought you were. That you have spent so much time fitting yourself into box trying to bend and twist into so many shapes and forms just to keep others happy or to make things easy for them because you don’t want to see your loved ones struggle. Or where you say “yes” to every opportunity or invitation you’ve received because you feel bad saying “no” and as a result, you find yourself totally overcommitted to things that you now resent! I have been there and can totally relate!
When we get so far away from who we truly are, we may even start to eventually manifest physical symptoms of pain, illness and dis-ease – this pain can be emotional, physical, spiritual, mental etc. As a result, we start to lose connection to our joy, the joy that we all innately have within us. We just have to understand how to access it!
If you’re interested in breaking the cycles of People Pleasing, let’s chat and see how we can work together and get you living your life in a more self-fulfilling way!
I'm so happy you're here! This Blog was created as a way to share content with anyone who is interested in personal healing and self-discovery in order to create a life that allows them to stand in their Truth, live out their Purpose and reconnect to their Joy. Happy reading!